From mboxrd@z Thu Jan 1 00:00:00 1970 Return-Path: Received: from mp0 ([2001:41d0:2:4a6f::]) (using TLSv1.3 with cipher TLS_AES_256_GCM_SHA384 (256/256 bits)) by ms11 with LMTPS id 8OCYCVVBrF48CAAA0tVLHw (envelope-from ) for ; Fri, 01 May 2020 15:33:41 +0000 Received: from aspmx1.migadu.com ([2001:41d0:2:4a6f::]) (using TLSv1.3 with cipher TLS_AES_256_GCM_SHA384 (256/256 bits)) by mp0 with LMTPS id +FbsD15BrF5IAgAA1q6Kng (envelope-from ) for ; Fri, 01 May 2020 15:33:50 +0000 Received: from lists.gnu.org (lists.gnu.org [IPv6:2001:470:142::17]) (using TLSv1.2 with cipher ECDHE-RSA-AES256-GCM-SHA384 (256/256 bits)) (No client certificate requested) by aspmx1.migadu.com (Postfix) with ESMTPS id 1D4FE942226 for ; Fri, 1 May 2020 15:33:49 +0000 (UTC) Received: from localhost ([::1]:54634 helo=lists1p.gnu.org) by lists.gnu.org with esmtp (Exim 4.90_1) (envelope-from ) id 1jUXff-0001QR-Im for larch@yhetil.org; Fri, 01 May 2020 11:33:47 -0400 Received: from eggs.gnu.org ([2001:470:142:3::10]:51160) by lists.gnu.org with esmtps (TLS1.2:ECDHE_RSA_AES_256_GCM_SHA384:256) (Exim 4.90_1) (envelope-from ) id 1jUXdj-0005ut-11 for help-guix@gnu.org; Fri, 01 May 2020 11:31:50 -0400 Received: from Debian-exim by eggs.gnu.org with spam-scanned (Exim 4.90_1) (envelope-from ) id 1jUXcO-0001ii-SR for help-guix@gnu.org; Fri, 01 May 2020 11:31:46 -0400 Received: from mx1.dismail.de ([78.46.223.134]:39136) by eggs.gnu.org with esmtps (TLS1.2:ECDHE_RSA_AES_256_GCM_SHA384:256) (Exim 4.90_1) (envelope-from ) id 1jUXcN-0001er-Vp for help-guix@gnu.org; Fri, 01 May 2020 11:30:24 -0400 Received: from mx1.dismail.de (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by mx1.dismail.de (OpenSMTPD) with ESMTP id 50236bf7 for ; Fri, 1 May 2020 17:30:19 +0200 (CEST) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed; d=dismail.de; h=from:to :subject:mime-version:content-type:date:message-id; s=20190914; bh=frcCV1k9oG9oKj3dpUqdJg1PxRT2RSN/XKdLCPjaYaY=; b=SiQsYzIdVDSt M1O2KmnSriFqQsTwdx26vAs50TaJTlXc9RCnEaEoSehjjDpvoyo01SwzuwNRFBuf f9CWQdhR1Xw+hmADlzDXijk/MEsUFDmuSmjnW2B7weZl/1suovi0W3amRJumOOKm IvLPiTmuprLUESjgGrAJz/k0qKzkz4Jv0Zmp3QiqmJJBSVNFLbccQEGEz82NDQEb jd5NDgEW26GLpxT6iAlHrxVvrM95mbjUV/KMsmVKJuBHBdaAoBRYQZP6+Qll2GoL jD5TkaxK2wG2R5//7KQAjdIo+zW9yEB/n0ZaHgUwsBG47CO/DxfrOfRXOabh7wKe uslOOvtZzw== Received: from smtp1.dismail.de ( [10.240.26.11]) by mx1.dismail.de (OpenSMTPD) with ESMTP id 553fcd1f for ; Fri, 1 May 2020 17:30:19 +0200 (CEST) Received: from smtp1.dismail.de (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by smtp1.dismail.de (OpenSMTPD) with ESMTP id 6e8458d1 for ; Fri, 1 May 2020 17:30:19 +0200 (CEST) Received: by dismail.de (OpenSMTPD) with ESMTPSA id 533516fa (TLSv1.2:ECDHE-RSA-AES256-GCM-SHA384:256:NO) for ; Fri, 1 May 2020 17:30:19 +0200 (CEST) From: Joshua Branson To: help-guix@gnu.org Subject: Open Sourcing Mental Illness MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain Resources: Hey guix! So this message is slightly off topic, but I think it agrees with the heart of the guix community. Several years ago, I attended a hack-a-thon, which is a competition, where several young college students compete to make the coolest program. (I would highly recommend anyone and everyone to attend these, because they are sooo much fun). At the competetion I attended a professional developer gave a talk entitled "Open Sourcing mental illness" (1). The developer, who gave the talk, talked about how he struggled with deep feelings of insecurity, self-doubt, lonliness, shame, and occasional suicidal thoughts. He told the story about how he felt so despised and rejected that one day he did not go to work. His boss came to his apartment and knocked at the door. The boss then entered the apartment. This young developer hid under his bed, because he was soo embarrassed and lonely, that he could not bring himself to talk to his boss. The developer giving the talk then mentioned how he would have repeating periods of intense productivity, followed by long periods of depression. When he was productive, he felt great and awesome about himself. He would skip meals and sleep, because food and sleep felt un-important. Taking breaks felt unproductive. "How can I rest now?" he thought to himself. "I do not know when I will be productive again. I have to finish this now!" So he would work on a programming project for several days in a row with no sleep. He set demanding, unreasonable, and ever-increasing expectations for himself. He had grandiose delusions of the future. He emotionally believed in himself and his dreams, but logically he know it would be very difficult to achieve his dreams. For example, he might think, "Tomorrow I will start to build an alternative to the Linux kernel, and it will be soo much better and people will love me, and it will be sooo easy!" Then he would start to implement said next-generational kernel, and discover that it is *really really* hard to do that. Then when he did not achieve his unreachable goals, he would give them up. He would feel like a complete failure. He would have long periods of sleeping through the day and watching boring tv shows that offered no enjoyment. He would just drift through life with his constant companion of severe depression. It was later in life that he discovered that by setting small goals, and slowly working towards them, that he could actually achieve his dreams and desires. Eventually the developer discovered that he had type 2 bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is repeating ups and downs of excessive happiness followed by intense depression. It's not a healthy way to live. He made an analogy that if one breaks a leg, then one has to use a crutch to walk around. That crutch is a crutch, but it is necessary for proper healing. In the same way, if one has a mental health issue, one may need therapy, medication, or just talking to friends to help them through a tough time. As this gentleman gave this talk, I realized that my life's journey was similar. Sometimes I do feel like I am not living up to my potential, and sometimes I do feel sad or lonely. Sometimes those negative emotions stop me from contributing to free software projects. Those negative feelings can stop me from doing many useful things. For those of you still reading this, I have found great enjoyment from making "community my currency". Imagine for a moment being Amish. The Amish are known for manually lifting and moving a barn with their community. Imagine how expensive that is! Imagine how hard that would be for you or I to do! But with a great community, you could achieve nearly anything! One of the greatest desires of the human experience is to be loved and to love others. Being in great community will help with that. Any church (be it Christian or otherwise) will help you build that community. If this email has resonated with any of you, then feel free to email me to talk about any hurts, habits or hang ups you may have. Please note that I am in no way affiliated with open sourcing mental illness. * https://osmihelp.org/ * https://www.invidio.us/watch?v=VPP_Fnp_GXU (Christian speech by Billy Grahm) * https://www.invidio.us/watch?v=HSn-L9IXbOY Mel Robbins 5 second rule * https://locator.crgroups.info/ Find a Celebrate Recovery group near you * https://www.invidio.us/watch?v=n3I_zAh512k A talk by Ajahn Brahm (A buddhist monk that I love to listen to). Thanks, Joshua Branson Greatful believer in Jesus Christ In recovery for feelings of self-worthiness, cursing, and other things 1 Yes I am aware of the difference between open source and free software. And I do prefer free software. (I actually prefer the term libre source). P.S. A great community will probably best serve anyone looking for recovery. I find that in my local church, friends, and my current mentor. You may find it elsewhere. Godspeed! Mail-Followup-To: help-guix@gnu.org Date: Fri, 01 May 2020 11:30:32 -0400 Message-ID: <87zharoep3.fsf@dismail.de> Received-SPF: pass client-ip=78.46.223.134; envelope-from=jbranso@dismail.de; helo=mx1.dismail.de X-detected-operating-system: by eggs.gnu.org: First seen = 2020/05/01 11:30:20 X-ACL-Warn: Detected OS = ??? 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